purposefully *choosing* san francisco as home...

we've lived here in sf for more than 5 years now. & we love it. but for those past 5+ years there's always been this little nervous monkey voice in the back of my mind chattering away about how long can we stay & when do we have to leave & should we move back to virginia & why is it so utterly amazing here but so astronomically expensive to try & actually put some roots down to stay & on & on & on...to this summer, where we spent another 2 months back in virginia before bl was there this whole fall teaching at the university...& i decidedly came away from my 2 months with the decision made that moving back to virginia was not where i wanted to be. ultimately, so did bl after his time too...so we made a decision -- part of driving back across the country this time was sort of eye opening. we had our bus packed to the gills with all our odds & ends & art & books that we had stored in other friends garages & family's attics -- we retrieved & piled upon the top of the bus all these stored away goodies; we weighed a bit much; i was fearful the tires were gonna pop on us! it was a little disheartening weeding through years & years of saved writing & papers & art making from TWO artists; i mean, can you imagine the sheer volume of negatives & prints & ceramics & screens & collected papers & ephemera from the two us?? plus our book collections? holy mother, we own a lot of art making materials and made art. so anyways, about choosing. this time, we felt like driving across the 10 west that this time we were truly making a decision. a decided attempt to make san francisco our home for now. not a willy nilly maybe we'll be back, maybe we should move north to portland, maybe we should try north carolina....etc...etc...we are deciding to try and make san francisco our home for a period of time. and i like feeling settled into that. it will mean several more years of renting & pinching but maybe somehow we'll get to stay here. maybe somehow i'll get to see that golden gate bridge. which i love, many many more years to come...maybe i'll get to loaf around & shop & thrift score in the mission for many more weekends to come....maybe i'll actually explore oakland more one of these days...art murmur anyone? want to join us for an evening?

so with all the new years posts on everyone's blog, mine is simply a choice. to choose our home & fully live in it without this constant fear of having to move or leaving before i'm ready. and i love where i'm at now with that decision. i can truly in my mind say, 'welcome home jenifer' :)