Thursday, March 04, 2010

home searching...

...seems to be all about dashed hopes & broken hearts :( i don't know if you, dear reader, have had the opportunity to go home searching. i think it's another world all together when looking with a miniscule budget in the bay area, and specifically, in san francisco proper. we've been looking for just under a year & fit ourselves into about 4 homes at this point, just to have something go not according to plan! & by "fit ourselves into" i mean, these would not be homes that we would necessarily choose in the least (read - crappy little homes), but being budget challenged as we are, we figure out how it would work -- as dreamers, schemers & idealists, we try to make that home fit us because we have what we think it takes to transform something into a little jewel of what we want.

so far, the bay area does not agree with us. it's positively disheartening to dream oneself into a home & then have it taken away because, a - they aren't taking bids anymore on that home, or, b - that home actually is off the market (even though it's listed as active), or, c - the home is not worth all the work you want to put into it, or, d - that home with TWO clawfoot tubs, (yes, two, sigh!!) would actually have to have a hazmat team come in to determine what's been going on in the basement while it's been vacant lo all these years.

this is to say, yesterday, we leapt our little hearts & minds into this home in bayview, with views of bernal heights & twin peaks from the front & a little smidgie view of the golden gate bridge (!!!) from the back. we let it wiggle it's way in & then, just when it had a hold on us, and i could see my future in it's doorway, we get the email telling us it's not a go at all, no more bids are being taken on this home. yes, i cried. yes, i have a head cold to beat all head colds right now which makes negative news worse & i can barely breathe with this cold as it is. yes, i should not have cried because then i *really* couldn't breathe.

so i post these photos of pretty sunsets and double rainbows to help remind myself that maybe there is still a little pot of gold in the bay area for us. maybe, even though i can't see it or feel it, there is still some teeny little home that would like us to move in & shine it up. for a teeny little bit of money for that matter. we will work hard for it. we will. we promise.

well, here's to hoping that we might just find one. maybe.

& if you happen to have a far distant rich uncle that likes to help out poor artists, or a fancy biddie auntie that has a home she'd like to give away in the bay area, you let me know okay?


lisa s said...

oh jen. i'm so sorry ... i know how you feel. it's REALLY hard. but have faith you will find the right spot [sure we can't convince you to head east??]

Bonney boys said...

I know just what you mean. You envision yourself in a place and start losing your heart to it, and bam! it's gone. There's no way around it- house hunting sucks. But I agree with Lisa that you will find the right spot, it's just going to take a while. Hang in there.