Saturday, August 05, 2006

5 days until i leave virginia...i'm feeling UN-accomplished...

...& i'm in a bit of a quandry about this. there has been this nagging little buzz in my thoughts for a week or so now - i didn't get near enough accomplished in the last 2 months -- i didn't get any sewing done (although, admittedly, my mother was going to buy a new machine in the beginning of the summer and we never got around to it; so i've had nothing to sew ON!), i didn't design loads of new sprout studio product for the fall, i did not learn how to surf, nor even make it down to the banks of carolina to hot dog around in the sand, i didn't get my gocco directions squared away to experiment, nor did we have massive print night runs over at the university where the mister is teaching...hell, we didn't even get to our trusty iron on adventures; where we make a tee shirt or something a day that has some piece of art or whatnot ironed onto it that we've responded to, we didn't make it back up to nyc for another art fix, we did not make it over for a photo adventure and wander on the eastern shore, we didn't make it out to see one lick of live music, my bike - as awesome as it is, sat idle while i was so sick and then in the inferno of heat-ey hell we've been having i could not possibly ride around on a black bicycle.

although, lord knows, i'll probably need to acquire 3 more suitcases to get all my thrifted goodies back to the west coast. (sheesh; i can cross that one off the list - entirely new wardrobe from the thrift stores? check, done, on top of that one! just yesterday i scored 2 little vintage red train cases that are so awesome and sprouty they are unbelieveable; as well as one handmade ruffle shirt that is ultra 50's-80's chic!)

so, you see, i feel like every summer amounts to a mountain of grandiose plans that we never actually get to the top of...& then i try to assuage that feeling this summer, with the thought of, oh yeah, i was sick for the better part of 4 weeks...really sick. & i'm just now starting to feel levelled out with my IBS a little...so i've decidied i think i need a do-over! but maybe that's what my summer's all come down to - especially since i've taught now for the last 5 years and have had them "off" (& "off" being a relative term since i also own a small business!)...ultimately i need the restorative time more than i need a to do list...

but all this has left me feeling like:

a) i'm not ready to go back to SF
b) i cannot wait to get back and actually accomplish some of these things
c) sad to leave so soon
d) a little nervous about transitioning back into my full time gig w/o my mister around and all my IBS junk...eeep...
e) excited to see my dixie loo doggie as i've missed her sooo & whilst phone pics from the dog sitter are awesome, they are making me miss her more!
f) i'm going to miss this view out the massive picture window every morning at the trees and the birds & the herrons and the squirrels and the bunnies as i type away at my computer or drink my tea...
g) i've gotten so used to seeing my nephew every coupla days that now i think i might boo hoo when i see him for the last time; he's 14 months and the cutest thing right now; and he knows who i am now toooooooo...booooo hoooooo
h) i miss all my neighbors back at the ole 900 tennessee and i'm so excited to sit in lovely weather and have our sunday morning bench chill'n sessions & have our bbq & movie nights, and let allllll the dogs run crazy in the hall together...
i) i am loving the idea of sleeping in my own bed.
j) ready for cooler weather and to sport all my thrifty fashion fun finds
k) it is never fun to wave goodbye to the parentals from the airport (sniffle)
l) excited to test out the new-old car i might be purchasing; the vw convertible cabriolet of my neighbors...i even have amazing vintage scarves now to tie around my head with my big fatty sunglasses all jackie o style as i cruise down the coast of my beloved cali!!
m) i don't want to leave the old gray frankie dog that's been sleeping in my room every day since i got here...

bitter.

sweet.

but maybe, in reality, i just don't want to get to the point of spending the entire fall semester in SF by my lonesome and have my mister out here...i'm a big ole sap and like to have him around a lot - i never understood marrying someone and then working all the crazy time and at some point looking over at that person and going....who are you? we like to take as much time as we can and just hang out together and road trip together and meander and wander around together...so this is gonna be kinda stinky for us...productive, but stinky.

well...more thoughts later.......phew.... thanks for sticking with me through this typhoon of a post.

xxx.

2 comments:

candykid6 said...

you make me sad, tell bobert i said hi since i guess i won't be able to tell him hi for a pretty minute... GOLLY now i'm all worked up, but hey even though the big east is pretty boss, you gotta love california. it's not just a state, it's a lifestyle.

candykid6 said...

p.s JACKIE is timeless.